Look, I had to include one big-baller survival tool, and it’s appropriate that it’s by Leatherman. This bracelet carries the Leatherman promise of quality (let’s note that 25-year guarantee again) but it also serves as a kickass and manly bracelet. A goddamn steel-tread bracelet. Wear it to the bar, wear it to work, wear it camping, wear it while you bone-down. Just, uh, be careful with that last one. That’s because this bracelet contains 29 screwdriver and wrench tools, along with a cutting hook, a bottle opener and even a sim card tool and glass breaker. Now that’s fashion.
This nasty piece of work was made especially for truckers, but as you can see, it’s also a killer survival tool for anyone out there alone in the middle of a zombie apocalypse. You can do just about anything with this tool that a trucker would need to do to keep his rig on the road regardless of conditions, so it should definitely help you keep your Chevy Lumina moving, especially when the zombies come.
Speaking of your car, this 90-piece roadside emergency kit will keep you in the game whether you have a bad accident or just break-down in the middle of nowhere. It comes with tools to get your car going again – jumper cables, a tire repair kit, an air compressor – and a first-aid kit in case things get really messed up. Basically, it’s got you covered no matter what you need.
Cigarettes will also be hugely useful for starting fires and saving coals (as any fan of post-apocalyptic literature knows, this is of great importance). The filters can be used to clean water, although you'll need the patience of Stephen Baldwin to pull it off. If you do manage to live for longer than a few weeks without plumbing and Internet, you'll be able to protect your budding prepper garden by soaking cigarette butts in water and spraying the resulting chemical-laden tobacco juice on your produce. This is a technique already in use by people too impatient to wait for the apocalypse, though it is ironic and entertaining that they consider using cigarette-butt sludge a "natural" way to ward off pests.
This type of prepper prides himself on how prepared he is for any apocalyptic event. He finds it hard to keep his mouth shut about his food preparation, water supply, and his self-sustaining environment that he built as a whole. The problem with this is if a disaster does happen, those ill-equipped groups will surely come for these religious preppers first.
A commercial option for people who choose to take the minimalist route is the Pocket Survival Pak from Survive Outdoors Longer (SOL). This wallet-size packet of miniature multi-use survival items includes duct tape, a pencil, safety pins, seweing needle, nylon thread, aluminum foil, compass, fish hooks and sinkers, magnifying lens, braided nylon cord, stainless steel wire, scalpel blade, signal mirror, fire starter, tinder, waterproof paper, whistle, and a waterproof instructional sheet on the items.